i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
