she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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