You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
