like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
