they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
