You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
