I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
high people should be assigned attendants
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
