Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize