Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
