Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
