Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Watching her eat just hurts me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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