he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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