felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
