I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if only i could text you this smell
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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