So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
