And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
