That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
