fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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