I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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