I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
