Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i believe in u and ur pee
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
