I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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