Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
