How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
