i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
