Got a toothbrush?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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