He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
