We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
