He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
