I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
