hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
