Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
