so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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