I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
