dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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