So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
