I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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