um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hippo gnu deer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
