Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
