I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
