Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
