how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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