brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
