I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
