i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just took my morning after pill in the library
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
