Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
