I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
