the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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