I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
