then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
