Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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