Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
