What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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