Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
