My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
