You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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