His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
