it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
