So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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