She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
