I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
