Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Alive.
So much puke
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
