I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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