I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize