Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize