Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
organizing the empties. That sober.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize