I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's like iHOP with fire
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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