I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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