Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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