Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
