the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The air taste purple.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
