Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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