My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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