I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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