Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
