so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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