I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
