I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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