Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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