i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
